Evaluating My Communication Style

After evaluating my own communication style and seeing how others view my communication style it was interesting to me how well they new me.  I was not really surprised but I did not think that the scores would be within a point of my own.  I feel at times that we are not communicating well but maybe it's being able to see that and to adjust how we communicate is what makes us good communicators. The only one that I scored differently by a few points was in the verbal aggressiveness scale because I sometimes get impatient with people that I know really well who I feel should know better and this was from a friend who says that when I am pushed she has seen me do this but not very often.

Two insights that I gained this week about communication are:
1. That how we view ourselves can influence our perception of others. We tend to assume what others are like us because they may attend the same church or they live in the same community.

2. That how we feel about ourselves can also influence how we communicate with others. Will we have the confidence to talk with others about a particular subject that they may not realize we know about or will we miss an opportunity to share what we know because we have a low self-esteem.

I think that professionally realizing that how I view myself can influence my communication with families will help me to be able to be more aware of how I should and should not come across to them.  In my personal life I just need to remember to have the patience to listen better and communicate more openly because my fiends and family are going to be accepting of who I am as a communicator and not be afraid to tell me where to improve.

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The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. ~Dorothy Nevill

Effective Communication with People or Groups

I communicate differently with people who have a higher degree of education and who are at the administrative level for the college that the preschool I work for is part of. When I communicate with them I want them to know that I am not only passionate for what I do but I keep up to date with the current practices in the early childhood field. I want them to take me seriously and the early childhood field seriously.  I do this by listening carefully to questions and statements as well as watching their body language so that I know how to respond appropriately.

When I communicate with friends my verbal and body language is more casual.  The verbal cues can be common or ones that only we understand because we have been friends for some time.  I think that listening is important with friends because sometimes we feel that we know them well that we may miss something because we assume they are communicating as they always do.  We still have to be aware of how they are communicating so that we can understand what they are trying to say and communicate with them in a respectful way.

Three Strategies that would help me communicate more effectively:

1. The first strategy would be to remember when talking to people from different groups and cultures that I need to take into consideration the differences we do have.  I need to listen to their perspective and be open to the fact that my way does not have to be the only way.  Listening and asking questions is very important.

2. The second strategy would be to remember the "Platinum Rule" of treating others how they would like to be treated by trying to understand their situation and the values and beliefs that come through in communication.  This will help me to more empathetic to their feelings and needs.

3. The third strategy would be to be more aware of a persons body language or non-verbal communication because it can portray a different meaning than what is being said.  People of a different culture may use different body language that could have a different meaning than I know so it is good be aware of the cultures of the people that I communicate with and how body language is used in conversation.

Non-Verbal Communication

  New Girl

The TV show that I choose to watch was New Girl on Fox.  I had only seen the commercials for this show because it is fairly new so I new that it had some dry humor to it.  I watched the Halloween episode without the sound and it appeared that all the characters were friends of some form. The reason I thought they were friends was because they communicated in a way that seemed like they were comfortable with each other.  They smiled a lot and laughed.  They also seemed to be joking around with each other in their conversation.  It also appeared that some of them were a bit closer friends because of the hugging, kissing and they way they looked into each other's eyes.  

Non-Verbal behavior that I observed:

  In this scene seemed she appears to be longing for him and before she sat down they had hugged and he gave her a kiss so it looks to me that he likes her.  Through the whole episode it appeared that they were a love interest to each other.

 The red head and the guy were attracted to each other but it seemed that they were trying to hard and were not as comfortable with each other.  Their non-verbal communication was not saying that they were as attracted to each other but they were attempting to see if they could be.

 These two were communicating as friends at the beginning of the episode but toward the middle of the episode they were communicating in a way that made me think that they were angry with each other or had a disagreement.  It all seemed to revolve around another girl that seemed to enjoy being with the guy dressed as the ninja turtle and she got annoyed when the other gut was around them. 

 When I watched the show with the sound on I realized that she had more feelings for him than he had for her and since he was not able to commit to dating just her that in the end she asked him to leave and he did.  They were just having fun together and she ended up falling for him.  I would not have guessed this unless I had heard their conversations so with out the sound I had assumed they were a couple and with the sound I realized that they were not.

 After hearing their conversations I realized that the guy with the top hat was a little jealous of the ninja turtle guy because he had the beautiful girlfriend and he thought that she should have been with him because the other guy was not as charming as he thought he was.  In the end they agreed that she choose who she wanted to spend time with and that he needed to respect that if they were to remain friends so they agreed to be friends.

The guy with the girl with the red hair realized that he was attracted to the idea of her and how she looked and not actually attracted to who she was as a person. In the end they agreed to part ways.

I think that if I had been watching the show on a regular basis I would know the characters a little better and I would probably have been able to decipher a little better what they were feeling or trying to communicate by their facial expressions and body language.

I learned that non-verbal communication can come across in a way that is easily misinterpreted.  I assumed some things that were not true based on the facial expressions and body language that I observed.  I realized that language is important but how well we know the person that we are communicating with is also important because we will be able to translate their non-verbal communication better.      

Competent Communication

I worked with someone that I did not know well at the time but who I felt communicated well so that I knew exactly what they needed from me and they asked questions that helped me to communicate to them what I understood or did not understand.  The person was going to be taking over the finances for the college I work for and the preschool is run by them.  He was concerned about our budget and wanted to know what ideas I had to bring down the budget.  I had put together some information for him but he preferred that I tell him my ideas and concerns. He listened to what I had to say then he sat back in his chair and asked questions about the areas that he had concerns about. When I was unclear about what he was trying to get across with the financial terms he would give me an example that I could relate to which helped me to see the point he was trying to get across.  He was very clear that he wanted to see changes in the budget so that he could see that we were decreasing our spending and to work on marketing the preschool services to the community.  In the end I feel that he respected my ideas and gave me the chance to share my side of the story about the budget.

The reason that I feel that this person was a competent communicator was that he was very clear on what he expected from me and what areas he wanted me to work on.  He listened to what I had to say about the budget and my ideas for change before evaluating and responding off the information that he had received from others.    When I did not understand something he did not make me feel incompetent he changed the way he was trying to get the information across to me to a way that I could understand and relate to.

I would take his way of just listening with out interrupting and not trying to evaluate what someone is saying and add my thoughts to their ideas.  I feel as though sometimes I interrupt when someone is talking to me and I am already trying to figure out a solution for them or jumping ahead to what I think they are trying to say.

Communication is something we always need to be working on.

Effective communications starts with listening. Robert Gately

Retrieved from Essential Life Skills