I had a conflict with one of the teachers this week regarding having a few children who were going to transition to the classroom from another. I suggested that the children come over for an hour or so to visit in the classroom so they would adjust better when they actually moved up next week. The teacher was less than thrilled because it was a rainy day and one of the children is very active and she just did not want to do it and then she proceeded to tell me that she did not agree with other things that had changed in the program. I reminded myself to stay calm and not to take anything personally. I calmly listened to her and heard that she needed a day to prepare for the three new children that were going to join her group and I heard that she was not having the best day already so I told her that we could wait until Monday and that she could take today to prepare. I reminded her of why the changes had been made in the program and that she had been part of the conversation she remembered and said that she would work with the changes.
The strategies that I tried to remember were to observe how she was coming across in her communication with her body language and tone of voice. She was visibly frustrated so I tied to listen to what her needs were even if she was not able to express then directly. I tried to respect her requests and she did the same for me. I can not say that I was not frustrated myself but it was helpful to have the strategies that I had learned about from the Non Violent Communication web site.
I talked with two colleagues regarding what they have learned about being more effective communicators to help to resolve conflict. The first person said that they have learned to go directly to the person and talk with them regarding the issue. If they need help ask for a third party to help they find a resolution. the second person told me that she has become more aware of when she feels that she needs to sit down and talk with the person and not just talk in passing. She said she has also learned to be a better listener and she has learned to express what she needs to the other person. She feels that that both people should be able to work together to met in the middle to meet each others needs. This teacher also made an interesting comment that she felt that men communicate better because they are direct and women seem to talk in circles wanting others to understand the code words and cues.
Don’t find fault. Find a remedy. – Henry Ford
Julie,
ReplyDeleteIn this case, you used nonviolent communication and the three R's to handle conflict. I am glad that you remained calm and listened to the other teacher. This made it possible for you to take you time and to respond appropriately. Therefore, I think that collaboration or compromise would have worked to resolve this conflict.
Hi Julie,
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Debra. You did a great job as a facilitator. You responded in an appropriate manner. Being respectful and courtesy of others feelings will always make communication more desirable. If we thing about the relationships that we have with one another and truly value the relationship, communication will be better.
Do you mind me asking where you work?
In the center where I work, before we transition the children to a different classroom, we give them a transition period prior to their big move. I have a schedule if you would like to see it. It gives the children an opportunity to become comfortable in their new environment. Some children need that transition time while others do not.
I think that you are doing an awesome job leading by example.
Hi Katrina,
DeleteI would love to have a copy of the transition schedule. I need all the ideas I can get. Can you get it to me through the Walden site? Thanks!
Sometimes we have to set aside personal problems and do what's best for the students. Regardless if she was having a bad day it was part of the program and we are looking out for the best interest in the children. I was good to have to the children go visit the other classroom so that they are familiar.
ReplyDeleteJulie,
ReplyDeleteI think you handled the situation very well by remaining calm and interpreting the other teacher’s body language. I think it is important that you did remain calm or else the conversation could have not gone so well especially if the other teacher was not having a good day. In this situation I do think you were right but the other teacher should have also put whatever her issues were aside and followed the centers policies that are in place and were previously discussed.
I think in many ways if we all became better listeners that conflict would be resolved very quickly or a lot of unnecessary conflict might be eliminated.
ReplyDeleteJulie,
ReplyDeleteLearning not to take anything personally is a great skill to learn in effective communication. It is one of the skills I am learning to practice. Most times some issues come across as if it is targeted deliberately to attack my person but with my new learning, I am overcoming the temptation. It is great to know that you have become a master of this art too. You remained calm and was able to observe her body language including the tone of voice. These clues helped you to resolve the conflict. Truly, nonviolent communication is a great tool to use. Keep it up.